Most one-to-ones feel like status.
People check boxes.
Nothing changes.
The best one-to-ones build trust, speed, and growth.
They are the most useful 30 minutes of the week.
A short story
A manager kept moving one-to-ones.
When they happened, he talked most of the time.
Morale sank. Work slowed.
We changed the format.
Same day. Same time.
A shared note. The report leads.
Four questions. One promise each.
In two weeks the team felt lighter.
Blocks cleared faster.
People looked forward to the meeting.
Why one-to-ones fail
- They are status updates, not real talks.
- The manager does most of the talking.
- No shared notes. No clear promises.
- They get moved or cancelled.
- Surprises appear. Hard topics wait too long.
- No growth topic. Only tasks.
Fix these and your one-to-ones become the engine of the team.
The CLEAR framework
C — Connect
Start human. How are you. What is your energy today.
L — Listen
They lead the agenda. You listen and ask.
E — Explore
Go deeper on wins, blocks, and decisions.
A — Agree
Write one or two promises with owners and dates.
R — Reflect
End with a tiny growth step for the week.
Use CLEAR every time.
A simple 30-minute agenda
Minute 0–5: Connect
Energy check. One win since last time.
Minute 5–15: Their topics
They choose. You ask. You listen.
Minute 15–25: Blocks and decisions
Remove one blocker. Make one decision.
Minute 25–28: Growth
One skill to practice this week. One small step.
Minute 28–30: Commit
Write promises. Confirm dates. Thank them.
The rolling doc
Create one shared doc per person.
Add these fixed sections at the top:
- Wins since last time
- Blocks and asks
- Decisions made
- Growth focus
- Promises and dates
Each week add a new dated section below.
Keep it short. Bullets only.
Great questions that open things up
- What felt good since we last met.
- What felt heavy.
- What is the one blocker that slows you most.
- Where do you want my help this week.
- What should we stop doing.
- What would make next week a win for you.
- What skill do you want to grow this quarter.
Scripts you can copy
Kickoff
“Glad we are here. What would make this 30 minutes most useful for you today.”
When they are quiet
“Let us start with a win. What went right since we last met.”
When a blocker appears
“What is the real obstacle. What is the smallest step we can try by Friday.”
When you owe something
“I promised feedback by today. I will send it by 4 pm. If I miss it, you can call it out.”
When emotions rise
“I can see this matters. I am listening. Take your time.”
When performance is slipping
“I want you to succeed. Here is what I see. Here is why it matters. Let us agree on one step for this week and a check-in on Tuesday.”
Make status async
Keep project updates out of one-to-ones.
Use a short weekly note instead:
- What moved
- What is next
- Where I am blocked
Read it before you meet.
Spend your time on people and decisions.
Cadence that works
- Most roles: weekly 30 minutes.
- Senior ICs: every two weeks for 45 minutes.
- Never cancel. If needed, move within the same week.
- If you must skip, do an async one-to-one in the doc. Leave a short voice or Loom.
For you, the manager
- Be on time. Be present. Close the laptop if you can.
- Ask more. Tell less.
- Keep your promises.
- Praise specific behavior, not vague traits.
- Protect their growth time like you protect deadlines.
For them, the report
Share your agenda in the doc before the call.
Bring one win, one block, one ask, one growth step.
Own your promises. Ask for help early.
For remote teams
- Camera on for the first five minutes to connect.
- Use a shared doc during the call. Type while you talk.
- End with a written summary in chat: two bullets and two dates.
Common traps
- Ten topics. Pick two.
- Advice too soon. Ask one more question first.
- Big vague goals. Choose a tiny weekly practice instead.
- Promises without dates. Add a date or it is a wish.
- Moving one-to-ones for “urgent” work. This is the work.
The trust metric
Watch these three:
- Fewer surprises
- Faster unblock
- More voluntary updates
If these rise, your one-to-ones are working.
Your one-to-one checklist
- Same day. Same time.
- Shared rolling doc open.
- Report leads.
- One blocker removed.
- One growth step chosen.
- Two promises with dates.
- Short summary sent.
Print this. Keep it near your screen.
Tiny action now
Create the rolling doc for each person.
Drop next week’s agenda at the top.
Ask them to add their topics by Monday noon.
The bigger frame
Awareness hears what is real.
Leadership creates safety and clear promises.
Execution follows through.
Do this every week.
People will look forward to it.
Your team will move faster because of it.