The issue is real.
The stakes feel high.
Voices rise.
Nothing changes.
You can do hard talks without a battle.
Go in with calm.
Lead with clarity.
Leave with one promise.
A short story
Two peers fought over handoffs every week.
Blame. Defensiveness. No fix.
We changed the script.
Purpose. Facts. Impact. Ask.
Listen. Agree one step.
The tension dropped in one meeting.
Work sped up.
Why power struggles start
- Ego feels threatened
- Purpose is vague
- Timing is bad
- The talk is public
- Blame replaces facts
- No one knows who decides
Name the cause. Then choose a better path.
The PEACE method
P — Prepare
Center yourself. Write the one result you want.
E — Enter with purpose
Say why you are here in one line.
A — Ask and listen
Invite their view before you push yours.
C — Clarify facts and impact
Share what you saw and why it matters.
E — Earn an agreement
Pick one next step with an owner and a date.
PEACE keeps the heat down and the work moving.
Say it like this
Open
“I want us to work well together. Can we talk for ten minutes about yesterday’s handoff”
Ask first
“What did you see from your side”
Share facts
“I saw the brief go out without the new numbers on Tuesday and Thursday.”
Name impact
“That created rework and pressure on both teams.”
Make one ask
“Can we add a five minute check before sending this week”
Close
“Great. I will send a short checklist. Let us review on Friday for five minutes.”
Questions that unlock progress
- What would make this week a win for you
- What feels most risky on your side
- What is the smallest test we could try now
- What would get in the way of this plan
- Who needs to know and by when
If they get defensive
- Pause. One slow breath.
- Name the feeling. “I can see this is frustrating.”
- Return to purpose. “I am not blaming. I want us to fix the handoff.”
- Shrink the ask. “Let us try one checklist for two days.”
If they attack
- “I want to solve the work, not win a fight. Here is what I saw. Can we look at the steps together”
- “If we keep trading blame, we will miss the deadline. Can we pick one change and test it by Thursday”
If they avoid or go silent
- “It seems this feels heavy. What would make this talk easier right now”
- “Would a smaller step feel safer. We can test with one client first.”
If they keep bringing up old issues
- “Let us list past points and choose one to address today. We can schedule the rest.”
- “For this call, can we focus on the handoff. Then we book a separate time for the other items.”
If you need a boundary
- “I want a good outcome. I am not okay with raised voices. Let us take ten minutes and return at 3.”
Scripts by relationship
To your boss
“I want to protect the Q3 goal. This new item will push the date. Should I switch, or can we trade it for X”
To a peer
“I value our partnership. The last two releases slipped at the handoff. Can we try a five minute checklist before send. I will draft it.”
To a direct report
“I want you to succeed. I saw missed follow ups on Monday and Wednesday. It hurt the client trust. Let us agree on one change for this week and a check on Friday.”
To another team
“We both care about the customer. The data file arrived after the deadline twice. Can we agree on a 2 pm cut off and a backup owner”
What not to do
- Labels and traits. Say behaviors.
- “Always” and “never.” Give dates.
- Five problems at once. Pick one.
- Public confrontation. Go private.
- Long speeches. Use short lines.
- Hidden agendas. Say the real aim.
Decide who decides
Before the talk, be clear:
- Who is the decider
- What is the decision
- What is the deadline
- What counts as done
If there is no decider, propose one.
Your prep sheet (print this)
- Purpose of the talk:
- One result I want:
- Facts I saw (dates, examples):
- Impact on work:
- Their likely concerns:
- One small ask:
- My offer:
- Owner and review date:
Fill this in five minutes. Then speak.
For managers
- Set shared standards. One owner. One deadline. One definition of done.
- Coach people to use PEACE.
- Join only if power is needed to unlock.
- Praise calm repair, not loud wins.
- Close loops within 24 hours.
For remote teams
- Use a short pre-read with facts and the ask.
- Camera on for the first minutes to connect.
- Type decisions in a shared doc while you speak.
- End with one owner, one date, one line of done.
- Post the summary in one channel.
Common traps
- Waiting too long to talk
- Hoping hints will land
- Making the talk a verdict, not a plan
- Confusing agreement with action
- Forgetting to review the change
Avoid one trap this week.
A seven day practice
Day 1
Pick one tension. Fill the prep sheet.
Day 2
Have the talk. Use PEACE.
Day 3
Do your part early. Send a short note.
Day 4
Notice one helpful move they made. Thank them.
Day 5
Remove one small friction in the process.
Day 6
Share what changed and what still blocks.
Day 7
Five minute review. Keep or adjust the agreement.
Tiny action now
Write one line to open your next hard talk:
“I want us to work well. Can we talk for ten minutes to fix X”
Send it.
Book the time.
Bring your prep sheet.
The bigger frame
Awareness keeps you out of ego and into facts.
Leadership creates safety and clear purpose.
Execution turns words into one small promise with a date.
Hard talks do not need a winner.
They need a result.
Choose calm. Choose PEACE.