Some days you guide.
Some days you direct.
Great leaders do both on purpose.
Coaching grows people.
Managing moves work.
You need both to win.
A short story
A manager stayed in coach mode all week.
Great questions.
Few clear calls.
Deadlines slipped.
Next week she used a simple test.
Coach when the goal is growth.
Manage when the goal is delivery.
She named the hat at the start of each chat.
People felt clear. Work moved.
What each hat means
Coaching
You ask. They think.
You build skill and judgment.
Outcome is learning and ownership.
Managing
You decide. They act.
You set scope, speed, and standards.
Outcome is delivery and quality.
The 30 second switch test
Ask three questions:
- Is the main goal growth or delivery today
- Is the task high risk or low risk
- Does the person have skill and bandwidth right now
- Growth + low risk + skill present. Coach.
- Delivery + high risk or low skill. Manage.
- Mixed. Start with manage for clarity. End with a short coach moment for learning.
Say the hat out loud so there is no guess.
The Two Hats framework
When you coach, use GROW
- Goal. “What result do you want”
- Reality. “What is true right now”
- Options. “What could you try”
- Way forward. “What will you do by when”
You listen more than you speak.
When you manage, use DARE
- Define. One line on done.
- Assign. Owner and date.
- Risks. What could block.
- Enable. What support you will give.
You remove doubt and reduce risk.
Signals to coach
- Skill exists but confidence is low.
- The person will face this again.
- Outcome can be small and safe.
- You want long term ownership.
Say it like this
“Let us think this through together. What options do you see. What feels best to try first”
Signals to manage
- High risk to customers or the business.
- Tight deadlines.
- Many dependencies.
- The person is new to this task.
Say it like this
“Here is the target and date. Here is the simple plan. I will review at 4. Ping me if you hit a block.”
Scripts you can copy
Start a coaching one-to-one
“Today is a coach hat. I want you to lead the thinking. What would make this time useful”
Start a delivery huddle
“Today is a manage hat. We need a clean plan and owners. Done means X by Friday.”
Switch mid call
“I hear we are stuck. I am switching to manage for five minutes to give a clear path. After we act, we will coach on what we learned.”
When quality drops
“I want you to grow here. Right now we must protect quality. I will outline the steps. Next week we will unpack the why.”
With a strong IC
“You know this space. I am in coach mode. Convince me of your plan in three minutes.”
Meeting shapes that help
Coaching one-to-ones
- 5 min connect and wins
- 15 min GROW questions
- 5 min commit to one experiment
- 5 min support and date
Managing standups
- Yesterday’s slice done or not
- Today’s slice and owner
- Blocks and who clears what
- One next decision and time
Make the hat visible
- Write “Coach” or “Manage” at the top of the agenda.
- Put it in the calendar title.
- Use the first sentence to set the mode.
Clarity calms people.
For managers of managers
- Coach your leads on when to coach their teams.
- Manage your leads on shared standards and dates.
- Review decisions, not only updates.
- Praise good hat choice. Correct unclear mode fast.
For remote teams
- Post the mode in the doc.
- Asynchronous coaching works with comments and short Looms.
- Managing needs crisp notes with owners and dates.
- Record the decision at the end and share it in one channel.
Common traps
- Coaching when a fire needs a hose.
- Managing when a person needs to learn.
- Mixing both in the same five minutes.
- Vague “guidance” that is neither a question nor a decision.
- Not naming the hat. People guess and stall.
Pick one trap you fall into and set a counter line.
Your pocket checklist
- What hat am I wearing for this chat
- What is the one result we need
- If coaching. What is my best question
- If managing. What is my clear standard and date
- How will we review and learn
Print it. Use it daily.
Tiny action now
Open your next meeting invite.
Write “Coach” or “Manage” at the top.
Add one question or one decision line.
Start the call by naming the hat.
The bigger frame
Awareness sees what the moment needs.
Leadership chooses the right hat.
Execution delivers the plan and the learning.
Grow people.
Ship work.
Switch hats on purpose.